A Pandemic World.

In a few weeks, it will have been two years since I packed up my office, and moved it all home. Like most people, I worked in my dining room. I had the beautiful sunshine of the day streaming through the windows, and Harold of course. If you don’t know who Harold is, you must pick up a copy of ‘Nineteen Tales of Covid-19’. I enjoyed mid-day coffee breaks, and lunch out on my patio. While the world around me was falling apart, I remained in this little piece of heaven. I was enjoying everything working from home had to offer.

I had made the decision early on in the lockdown to take the time to work on me. It was finally time to put me first. After all, I was gaining back two hours of my day because now, I didn’t need to travel into work. Although the world around me was in lockdown, it was business as usual in my house. My husband and daughter, left for work every day. I have to admit, my first reaction was to walk around with disinfectant and constantly wipe things down. The media had managed to instill a high level of fear in me, but it didn’t last long. By week two, I was already starting to ease up cleaning. As every day passed, I was letting go of the idea that every thing coming into the house was a threat of death.

I am a Reiki Master, and had a few clients. With the pandemic, that was over. Cleared of any appointments, and with my work day completed by 3pm, I had much more time on my hands. I started reading books that were aimed at helping me heal. I don’t know exactly what needed healing, I just knew I did. I was flying blind into it all. Having lost my mentor years ago, I was winging it. I started off all wonderfully hopeful that I would achieve a level of grace by the time it was all done. All my free time was used reading self-help books on healing, watching Gaia episodes and meditating. I had more free time to write, journal and just be in the energy that I love best, that I am happiest in.

With the money we saved on gas, we found ourselves being able to really save money for the first time in a long time. Outside my window, things were not the same. I was very aware as I watched restaurants struggle to stay open. I witnessed a few of my favorite eating places close. Parks, gyms, movie theaters and more were completely shut down. The government handed out money and still, not of it affected me. None of it changed my life in any big way – except that I worked at home. I continued to visit my mom, spoke with friends via facetime or zoom, and wallowed in the peacefulness around me. I am comfortable in my own company, and now I had the perfect excuse.

Most of my friends had transitioned to their home offices, our lively discussions took place almost every day via phone. We shared our spiritual journey’s, experiences and meditations. Nothing changed — at first. Nothing major anyhow.

Half way through, I was done working from the dining room. My work days went from the usual seven to three, to six to midnight. My days were long, and I was conducting business long after the family had come home. I didn’t have time to read, journal or write. In fact, by the time my work day was done, I was either heading to bed or mindlessly streaming a movie. My brain was flushed, dead and on the edge of going zonkers. Thinking was the last thing I wanted to do and streaming services like Netflix, Disney and Prime wonderfully provided me with ample choices for my viewing pleasure.

I moved my office upstairs into my reiki room, infiltrating my sacred space with the stressful energy of work. I continued my own healing journey with many of those A-HA moments as I like to call them, but slowly, I stopped meditating, and stopped journaling. At the dismay of a good friend and my biggest supporter, I even stopped writing. Gradually, my healing journey halted. My extra time was filled with games on my phone, Facebook and movies. I had been listening to the pandemic rhetoric around me. I could see this line being drawn in the sand. Up until the pandemic, our teachers were striking, holding our children hostage. They were an angry bunch – at least the ones I knew. Suddenly, the mood changed. They couldn’t hold them hostage if they were not in school. I could not accompany my mom to her cancer treatments anymore. Numbers were rising, both infections and deaths. I feared for my mom. I watched as acquaintances lost parents to the virus. I sympathized with their pain but was so grateful that we were still safe.

On the other side of the coin, came the “conspiracy theorists”. I heard stories of Trump coming to save the day. Children of the sex-trade being rescued by Michael Jackson and Lady Di. Vaccines containing devices to track us. I can’t think of anything I didn’t hear. The stories were long and really quite outlandish in nature, that I don’t even know if it is worth remembering them. In fact, I listened to a friend for hours talk about QAnon and what was going to happen. It was pretty extreme but I listened with patience. It was their reality – who was I to judge? Everything I was reading, everything I was hearing had opinions on all sides, across all political parties but one thing for sure – BOY were they really pushing those vaccines.

The media had worked their magic and spread so much fear. Covid was linked to dying despite the number of people who survived. Morbidities like obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure put you high on the list of those that died. I was on that list. It swam in the back of my mind, but I was not rushing to get this vaccine. Teachers and daycare workers were told it was time to get back to work and the fear grew. I don’t know that they were complaining about the extra work needed to keep the classrooms clean, or that they feared it would not be enough to keep them safe. While my reality was such that every day I wondered if today was the day my husband and daughter would bring the virus home, I listened to my teacher friends project their fears after being home safe for three months while the pandemic was at a peak. I was home but by no means safe. I could have voiced back, projected my own fears but I refused to be a victim to that fear. Instead, I expressed empathy and tried to spread a little joy and hope – something that had gone missing since the start of all this. It was lost on some.

Then in October 2020, the first Covid case happened at my husbands workplace. I was supposed to take my mom to her cancer treatment that week, and I had to cancel. I couldn’t risk infecting her. We all got tested a few days later, and I sighed with relief when the results came back negative. I lost a friend, that same week because I was part of the evil for getting tested. Facebook had permeated my daily routine and was my main source of information – not that I believed any of it. Posts were censored, deemed as false under the fact-checkers. Free speech was being attacked before Covid, and now it was incredibly evident they were pretty determined to obliterate free speech. Trump was evil, anti-vaxxers should be jailed and then on top of the lockdowns, the mandates came in.

I watched the government manipulate people, workplaces and the media. I am sure I wasn’t the only one who saw it. The divide grew, and the hate fester as people used the new health and safety mandates to attack others who chose not to live in fear. Opinions were suppressed, deemed as false information, hate speech and what ever other madness they could come up with. Free speech was free as long as you agreed with the right side. People were being arrested for holding differing opinions, doctors and nurses were silenced if they didn’t agree with governments stand. This mindset has been festering for months now. But still, I sat in my little haven, watching the hate, and admiring the few acts of love. Things were on the extreme and I remained silent for the most part. I never believed that this vaccine should be mandated, forced on people but two years later, people have lost their jobs for refusing to be jabbed.

My own healing journey helped me to stay grounded, centered and neutral. I tried not to take sides. It was difficult at times as I lean right. I am not anti-vaxx but I believe in freedom of choice. I believe that small businesses were the only ones truly being hurt and it needed to stop. I was tired of wearing a mask and wanted to just shop freely. Two years, and I think we all have pandemic fatigue now. Two years and NOW the government says we need to learn to live with this virus. I sympathize with those fearing this virus, and I sympathize with those wanting to just get on with life. I agree with those wanting to be vaccinated and those not wanting it. I very much sit in the middle of the road. My faith lying with freedom of choice, freedom of speech and the right to do so. I believe everyone and don’t. I am fed-up with pandemic talk, and am inspired by those rising up to face the government and their mandates. I would like to say that I don’t care but that would be a lie. I believe that you have as much right to believe in the vaccines and the science, as the other has the right to not believe in it. I believe that you have just as much right to express your belief to others, as the other have to express their beliefs to you. I don’t believe that speech should be restricted. Just today I watched a woman speak to a crowd and called herself the queen of the Kingdom of Canada! Good for her! Not that I fall for it, but she has as much right to speak as I have to tell her that she is crazy and no queen of mine!

I don’t have to agree with you but I can respect your position, because what you believe in no way changes my life. In all the craziness, nothing changed how I felt, what I thought and what I believe. Where I was impacted, I adjusted and moved on. Because at the end of the day, this pandemic brought a level of awareness that I never thought I could have. I was blessed with the time to dive into who I am. Creator allowed me the sanity to adjust. Many have not been so lucky and mental health has taken a great toll on them.

I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to heal under the guise of a pandemic. Now I sit back and wait for life to start to return to normal, accepting that everything happens for a reason. For the first time in a long time, I have picked up my pen and once again, am creating in my life what makes me happy.